Take OFF the Cape

Day in and day out I find myself trying to go above and beyond, to prove (to myself and the world) that “I can do it by myself!” (in my Best Arnold Schwarzenegger voice). As parents, WE feel the need to make sure that WE not only have a “perfect” child, but WE also aspire to be “perfect” parents. Each day WE try OUR best to make sure that our child is loved, happy, healthy, safe and protected. In addition, WE also want our kids to be involved in COUNTLESS extracurricular activities AND have the BEST of everything! Just reading all that makes you tired! LOL;)

In an effort to accomplish ALL of these overwhelming goals, WE feel that WE must become a “cape wearing Superparent!” For some reason WE feel compelled to do as much as WE can by OURSELVES! Unfortunately, this is a story told a million different ways using a million different faces. In other words, WE are NOT alone!

One day I took some time to really think about what it was I was trying to prove.  The conclusion was simple yet complicated… “I never want to be viewed as incapable OR incompetent in any area of my life (especially when it comes to parenting)!!! Therefore, in MY mind if I ask for HELP it will be viewed as me being WEAK, INCAPABLE AND INCOMPETENT!!! It’s sad to admit, but I think this is basically why most of US start out “wearing OUR capes” to begin with.

Now the question becomes “How do WE take OFF the cape?”

First, WE have to change our thought process! WE have to stop thinking that asking for help OR using OUR resources is a sign of weakness (which is absolutely FALSE and ABSURD)! WE have to remind OURSELVES that “good” parents are willing to put their child’s needs before their EGO. Lastly, WE have to remember that WE are not Superheros, Superparent’s or Superhuman. Therefore, WE can and will have some sort of mental, physical and/or emotional breakdown if WE continue “wearing the cape”.

So the moral of the story is…. If WE are honestly using OUR resources wisely and if WE are dedicated to being the BEST parents that WE can be… Then WE ARE and WILL always be the BEST parents in the eyes of OUR child, with or without the cape! However, until WE are ready to change OUR way of thinking and how WE choose to process OUR reality… Then THE SAGA will continue with US pretending to be something WE can never be!

What are your goals for your Family?

A few years ago, I read what has now become one of my favorite parenting books. The book stated that we should clearly define “our” goals for our families. Unfortunately, I wished that I had read the book a year earlier… Before my ex-husband and I had decided to divorce. I thought about how useful it might have been, had we actually taken a little time to make a simple list of what we wanted for our family.

Now, three years later my daughter and I have a “clearly defined list” of what our family goals are. It is a short list that resides on our fridge, to serve as a constant reminder of what is important to us. For anyone who has gone through the pain, loss and disappointment of divorce. You understand how difficult it is to figure out how to rebuild your life. Its ironic that this simple list has helped us to stay focused on our family goals.

Our goals are simple but what they signify is massive! We try to live our lives each day with our goals in mind, each step of the way! Some days are easier then others, but as long as we make an effort that’s all that matters! Our love for life and each other makes all of the blood, sweat and tears worth while!

Each day holds at least 20 distractions that can easily knock you off of your “A” game. But, when you remind yourself of what is really important… It is much easier to remind yourself to focus on what matters instead of spending precious time focused on what doesn’t matter!

As someone who has had to rebuild their live from “ground zero”, I understand how overwhelming life can be. However, I have seen first hand how “setting family goals” can enrich your family beyond recognition! Take an hour out of one day and have a family meeting (weekly, bimonthly or monthly, what ever works best for your family). Create a list that is representative of every one (in the family) and watch what happens next! Please remember that it only takes two to make a family.

If your child is too young to voice his/her opinion, still make family goals. It will serve as a blueprint to follow now and in the future. Actually, the truth is that the goals can and will change as the family grows and progresses with each passing year. Various dynamics and milestones will change your family goals. The point is that you are focused on being focused and committed to building the strongest, most loving and healthy family as possible!