Beautiful from the Inside OUT!

My parents have always stressed the importance of inner beauty to me and my sister (ever since WE were little girls). They would say, “Always say thank you when someone gives you a complement. NEVER say, I know! Because, there is NOTHING worse than a PRETTY girl with an UGLY attitude!!!”  So, it was only natural for me to do the same with my daughter. However, I am finding more and more parents are forgetting to TEACH this important lesson to their little ones.

Intelligence, compassion, diligence, integrity and selflessness are truly BEAUTIFUL! However, WE have to make sure that WE are praising OUR kids when they display these precious BEAUTIFUL attributes. More importantly, WE have to constantly remind THEM that their “inner” beauty ALWAYS supersedes their “outer” beauty!

Why should WE down play the fact that WE have a BEAUTIFUL child/children?

WELL, there is a little thing called VANITY and IT is extremely DANGEROUS! Defining ourselves based solely on our external beauty is detrimental to OUR quality of life. Beauty IS and will ALWAYS be subjective! As a result, most of US will always look to others to help US to determine what WE think is BEAUTIFUL or NOT. Therefore, IF and WHEN someone does not validate OUR "beauty", WE are often left feeling UGLY, WORTHLESS and SELF CONSCIOUS!!!

Now does that sound like any way to live each day? Furthermore, do WE want THAT for OUR children???

Most of US love wearing nice clothes, getting OUR Herr DID and looking PRETTY. There is NOTHING inherently wrong with that! The PROBLEM is when that is OUR only CONCERN! WE have to talk to OUR children about what truly defines them as an individual, their character and their TRUE BEAUTY. WE have to make sure they see the VALUE in having INTEGRITY and CHARACTER!

WE have to constantly praise them for the “inner” qualities they display, that make US proud to call them OUR CHILD! Building confidence always sounds like it’s a difficult task… BUT it really isn’t when you think about it. Telling OUR kids what WE love about them is the EASY PART. WE just have to make the TIME to remember to do it MORE often (which seems to be the HARD PART).

WE have to CONSTANTLY work against the MEDIA and the fact that it is CONSISTENTLY teaching US and OUR kids to judge things based on the way they APPEAR! WE have to explain (using age appropriate examples) these type of things (like how the media and advertising agencies thrive off of making money above ALL else) to them so THEY are prepared to deal with these ISSUES effectively!

SIDENOTE: WE really have to STRESS this with OUR daughters now more than ever! NOT because boys shouldn’t have inner beauty. BUT because OUR society objectifies WOMEN more and more each day. Little girls are being taught to define themselves solely by their OUTER appearance (EEEEEWWWWW, how freakin shallow and tragic is that)!

WE need to make sure that they know they are LOVED because of who they ARE! Not because OF the way the look or what THINGS they have.  WE are ALL unique individuals and the things that make US the most beautiful are the things that can’t be easily seen.

OUR true BEAUTY must be sought after and searched for just like a buried TREASURE. Whether they have missing teeth, an oversized head or any other physical issue… WE ARE ALWAYS able to see their TRUE BEAUTY clearly, WE just have to TEACH them to be able to do the SAME! ;) 

Embrace Your Biggest Fan!

The other day Nani and I were watching “Celebrity Apprentice” and she says, “Mom you should be on that show since you are a Project Manager too!” Unfortunately, she doesn’t realize I’m NOT a celebrity! However, it really made my day that she thinks so HIGHLY of me (that she felt it was perfectly acceptable for me to be featured on the show)! LOL ;)

I started thinking about how lucky I am to have the BEST “Fan Club President” EVER!

Sometimes WE may become overwhelmed with LIFE, that WE forget that there is ALWAYS at least one person (in OUR lives) who is ALWAYS cheering US on!  OUR children are always willing and able to give US the BOOST WE need to KEEP GOING!

Unconditional LOVE and SUPPORT is valuable, no matter what size or shape it comes in! WE have to do a better job of remembering that! OUR children want nothing more than to love US (that is until they start asking for a Wii, New J’s and/or OUR good old fashion cash)! ;)

There are so many days when WE feel like WE are doing everything by OURSELVES! BUT OUR little ones are usually right there in the “trenches” with US! WE can’t make IT a habit to forget that fact, its NOT fair to them. They love US and appreciate US even when WE may NOT think WE are being loved and appreciated. More importantly, their commitment and loyalty to stand by US is ASTOUNDING!

As parents WE have to remember to thank OUR kids for being “the best part of OUR day!”(I stole that from Verizon but it’s the TRUTH)! I literally tell Nani, “Thanks for being the BEST part of my day!” and then I clear my throat to serve as her cue to tell me the same. Now, it may seem corny but this is a part of me building HER self worth and personal value (when I am verbalizing to her that she is appreciated and significant as a human being)!

SIDENOTE: It’s absolutely important to teach OUR kids that WE appreciate them and in return THEY need to appreciate US. This process is essential, in order to build a healthy parent/child relationship. Because there IS nothing worse than a bratty teen that hasn’t been taught to appreciate Mom and/or Dad!

The purpose of this post is simple… WE have to make sure that WE give credit where credit IS do! OUR little ones love US and support US, in good times and in bad and for richer or poorer… For those reasons alone, WE should make sure that WE let them know how much WE appreciate what THEY have brought to OUR quality of life! Joy, happiness and L-O-V-E, to go ALONG with the BLOOD, SWEAT and TEARS (I’m NOT that blinded by LOVE to leave that out!)  ;)

So the next time you are having one of those days, when you feel like NO one understands YOU or that all YOU do is in vain … Find your “biggest fan” and give him/her a huge HUG and say “THANK YOU for thinking that I AM are the GREATEST parent ever and I love & appreciate YOU more than YOU know!” ;)

****The POST above may or may NOT represent the views of TEENS or TWEENS. However, IT did at least apply to you when your child was in grade school and younger. ;)****

Are you raising a Dependent OR Independent Child?

The day a fawn is born, its natural instincts immediately begin kick in. The fawn and its mother have to do everything possible to get the fawn walking (and soon running) just a few hours after it’s born. Why is that? Doesn’t the “mommy” understand that the fawn was just born? She must not really love her newly born fawn! Otherwise, she wouldn’t place such high expectations on it. Of course, it’s just the opposite! The mother understands that her fawn is extremely VULNERABLE and the LONGER he is unable to run from DANGER… The more likely he is to be KILLED! Therefore, the mother takes the necessary steps to ensure her baby is INDEPENDENT from day one!

I love watching Animal Planet because you would be surprised how much you can learn about “parenting” from other species.  What I love about animals is that they don’t have all of the distractions (clothes, toys, vacations, the list goes on) that WE have. Therefore, they are usually on point with “their” parenting objective. Which IS to raise a happy, healthy, independent (fill in the species but for US its CHILD). This is also supposed to be OUR objective as well!  It sounds simple but WE all know it’s easier said then done!

OUR relationship starts out with them being 100% helpless/dependent on US. BUT it’s only TEMPORARY! WE have to constantly remind OURSELVES of this fact more often, so WE don’t set them up to fail! As parents WE have to continuously “encourage” OUR children to challenge themselves. WE also have to make TIME to TEACH them what they need to know to survive in this world without US.

I’m not talking about making your child grow up too fast or miss out on his/her childhood. I’m just suggesting that WE make more of an effort to make SURE that WE aren’t doing little things for OUR little ones, that they can do themselves! Like wiping the table after a meal, putting dirty clothes in the hamper or putting toys in the toys box. These are small tasks that help them work up to larger tasks (as they get older).

Like animals, each day should be spent preparing them for the day when they are going to be living in “the wild” without US! WE have to help build their skills and confidence (while they are kids) so they will be prepared to deal with all of the twists and turns that are sure to come their way (as adults).

More importantly, WE all make mistakes (especially as children). Therefore, WE need to provide OUR kids with the opportunity to fall on their faces while they have US to catch them. Trail and error has to be apart of their daily lives or WE all suffer. They suffer because they don’t learn and WE suffer because WE end up having to do for them, what they should be able to do for THEMSELVES!

WE have to stop thinking that WE love them so much that WE want to do everything for them! Instead WE have to realize that WE love them TOO much to leave them Vulnerable to the DANGERS of living a Dependant Lifestyle…

Do you need to Get YOUR Tears OUT?

When Nani gets upset or something is bothering her. I say, “Do you need to get your tears OUT?” If her

answer is yes, she will immediately start crying. Then, that is my cue to be her “soft place to fall” and to 

comfort her through her pain. Within five minutes, she usually feels much better and is ready to continue taking on the rest of her day.

It took me a while to realize that most of US, are never taught NOR given permission to grieve over OUR pain! As kids, WE are almost always taught that WE need to “shake it off” to show WE are strong. In the process, WE become disconnected from OURSELVES and OUR emotions!

It wasn’t until I had a supersensitive child, that I realized I had been “incorrectly” programmed. My whole life (until a couple of years ago) was spent showing that I was “strong” and that I didn’t need to get “emotional” over silly things (pretty much everything was classified as “silly”). Unfortunately, I didn’t realize how much I was being damaged in the process… When you don’t allow yourself to “feel”, you become detached from reality (the reality of how you really feel about “things”). Trust me when I say, I’m not exaggerating! This is exactly what happens.

Teaching OUR children to follow in OUR “strong” footsteps, not only hinders their growth and development. But it also makes them more prone to use drugs, alcohol, or other harmful coping mechanisms (to offset the fact that they aren’t dealing with their emotions). OUR emotional health is NOT to be taken lightly! It is what drives every other aspect of OUR lives (mental, physical and emotional). The state of OUR emotional health is what keeps US on the straight and narrow. Or what pushes US off of the deep end!

As a parent, I am able to justify making the time and effort to make sure my child is “wired” correctly. In others words, I am willing to do everything in my power to make sure that she is emotionally healthy! Even though (previously), I didn’t think I deserved the same for myself. It’s funny how you can start doing something selflessly for someone else and then you end up helping yourself in the process. Now I read lots of self help books, I journal (to help me acknowledge my feelings and to help me process them in a healthy manner), and I have also made a commitment to strive to be emotionally healthy everyday!

Don’t get me wrong, this is a constant daily struggle! However, practice definitely makes perfect. Even though sometimes I feel like a psychopath (because this is all new to me and dealing with your feelings ALL the time can be emotionally and mentally draining)! I am still committed to leading by example. ;)

I’m still adjusting to asking myself “Do I need to get my tears out?” However, it feels great to be more connected to myself, my feelings and my emotions. Most of all, it feels fantastic to know, that my daughter will grow up knowing she is “strong” enough to deal with her emotions (because it will be all she knows). Instead of growing up thinking that she needs to keep her emotions hidden from herself and the world! That in itself, makes IT alllllllllllllllll worth it…